Disconnecting from Constant Perfecting

The pressure is on...and I nearly cracked under it. At the end of September, my piano quartet, The Quadratonics, decided to do a Christmas concert. I have two baby grand pianos, so some of the pieces all 4 of us play (2 players per piano), and other pieces we pair up (2 players on one piano, or 1 player per piano). Playing in so many configurations with 3 other players is challenging. For our show in September, I had the easy base parts (called secondo). I decided to play this show's more challenging treble parts (primo). I reviewed over 100 pieces of music and selected about 15 pieces for our group to play. We wanted to add more vocal pieces to this show, so one of our members arranged 2 of the pieces to fit our voices. Then, I arranged a piece for 2 pianos/8 hands. We divided up all the music and parts and began rehearsals in October.

Our show consists of about 20 pieces of music. Each of us is performing 15 of the 20 pieces of music. Each performer is learning about 100 pages of music to do this show. The pieces we're playing are not difficult for my skill level, but they do demand that I pay attention. Our Saturday rehearsals are 2-3 hours long. It's been an intense schedule. After working all day, preparing for the holidays, cooking, shopping, taking care of the pets, paying attention to the husband...I still have an hour of piano practice, so I can give this show everything I have.  

In the midst of this, I had my eyes checked. The eye doctor gave me two prescriptions for contacts, and I couldn't see with either one. I can see with my old prescription, but I still have trouble distinguishing the notes from each other, so I've mostly had to memorize my parts.  

Add my "perfectionist tendencies" to this mix, and now I'm cooking with a recipe for disaster. It's easy to tell myself, "You're never going to learn all that music." "You don't have the piano-playing chops you had in college, what makes you think you can play this now?" "These pieces aren't that hard. Why are you having so much trouble getting them?" "You can sing for comedy, but can you sing seriously?" "Your voice after that thyroid surgery 10 years ago isn't the same. Sure you want to sing again?" I finally saw what I was doing to myself. My "inner perfectionist voice"" was getting verbally abusive. So I silenced her. Enough was enough.

I wanted to offer some tips on how to deal with perfectionism, so here they are:

1. Understand that Perfection is Unrealistic

Perfection is an unattainable standard. No one is flawless, and everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It's essential to accept this fact and not let the pursuit of perfection cause unnecessary stress or anxiety. Embrace your individuality and uniqueness instead.

2. Set Realistic Goals

Setting goals that are too high can lead to disappointment and a sense of failure. Instead, aim for achievable targets. Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable parts. This way, you're more likely to feel accomplished and motivated to continue working towards your goal.

3. Celebrate Progress

Instead of focusing solely on the end result, appreciate the journey. Each step you take towards your goal is worth celebrating. Recognize your hard work and effort, even if the outcome isn't perfect. This can boost your self-esteem and keep you motivated.

4. Learn from Mistakes

Mistakes are a natural part of life and provide valuable learning opportunities. Instead of viewing them as failures, see them as chances to grow and improve. Analyze what went wrong and how you can avoid similar mistakes in the future. This approach can help you become more resilient and adaptable.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-criticism can be harmful and counterproductive. Instead, practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding when things don't go as planned. Remember, it's okay to make mistakes and have flaws. You're human, just like everyone else.

6. Seek Support

If you find it difficult to let go of perfectionism, don't hesitate to seek support...like from your friendly neighborhood hypnotherapist. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor. They can provide a fresh perspective, offer advice, and help you navigate your feelings.

7. Take Breaks

Lastly, remember that it's okay to take breaks. Constantly striving for perfection can be exhausting, both mentally and physically. Make sure to rest and recharge regularly. Engage in activities you enjoy, and that help you relax. This can improve your overall well-being and productivity.

These tips helped me understand this, but I needed to get to my core. I asked myself, why was I doing this? Am I doing this to show so I can show the world how perfect I am, or because this brings me JOY? And the answer was clear.  

"Because I LOVE it." It brings me JOY. I love the sound of 2 pianos, 8 hands. I love playing music and performing with the other members of the quartet. I loved arranging the piece because it took me back to my days in college when I minored in music composition. Our piano group has brought me full circle to where my love of performing started.   

This brings me JOY.  

I began changing my self-talk. Now I say the following:

Oooh! I played that better this time. I'm getting better all the time!

I can't wait to play our pieces as a group to hear how they improved.

I know if I'm having fun, the audience will have fun.  

The audience doesn't know what the pieces are supposed to sound like.

We are performing in front of friends, and they love us as we are and appreciate everything going into the show.

My husband is bartending...he'll make drinks so strong they won't care about the wrong notes.

Woohoo! I played that piece 85% correctly and recovered the 2x I lost.

It's funny...

the nicer I talk to myself, the better I play, and the more fun I have!