Forgiving Your Mother: A Step Towards Inner Peace

While I feel honored to have helped so many on their healing journey, first as a comedian and now as a hypnotist, I sometimes forget that I must pay attention to my healing journey. I started experiencing a series of health issues that I hadn't experienced in several months. Since being diagnosed with Hashimoto's, I've learned to pay attention to those signals because they tell me that something is off. It took a few weeks, but I finally realized I had experienced several events over the past few months that triggered rage and anger, and I was bottling it up to the detriment of my body.   I realized some of the anger I was experiencing was toward my mother, in particular the last 7-10 years of her life. Along with anger came feelings of guilt, shame, and sadness.

Ugh. I thought I had fixed that. Nope! There's a difference between a healing journey and a healing destination. I began putting myself through many of the techniques I use on my clients when they have unresolved mommy issues, and I realized I was missing "forgiveness." Forgiveness for my mother and forgiveness for myself.

Forgiveness is more than just a word; it's a pathway to healing, a bridge to peace, and the sunrise after a long night of the soul. When you forgive someone, forgiveness becomes a gift you give yourself. It's a release from resentment that has clouded your heart.

The Power of Understanding

As hard as it was, I tried looking at my mother's life through her eyes. What was her life like growing up? What victories and disappointments did she experience? What did she enjoy about her life? What didn't she want? How did she get to be the woman she was? I began to understand the journey that shaped her—the struggles, the mistakes, and the pressures that forged the person she became. Just like myself, she was doing her best with the tools she had at the given time. I began to find some compassion.

Let Go of Anger and Resentment

As I began to understand her perspective of her life and mine, I began to feel the anger and hurt without judgment. I embraced her perspective as part of my experience and made the distinction that what I experienced in my past doesn't define my future. I created a space for joy and serenity by letting go of these heavy burdens.

Communicate Openly and Honestly

My mother is no longer here, so I decided to speak the truth about how I felt about how she raised me, good and bad. My unconscious mind doesn't know the difference. It doesn't mean you approve of past hurts, but it opens a dialogue that leads to mutual understanding and healing. Words spoken from the heart can be powerful agents of change. Writing a letter to your mother does the same, whether she reads it or not.

Embrace the Present Moment

After I let go of the ugly, I decided to find a picture of my mother that represents how I want to remember her. It's a picture of her driving a 1926 Dodge. She's happy, vibrant, and excited, and nothing like the tired, bitter, combative woman I visited in the assisted living facility. Holding onto past grievances only shackled me to anger. Embracing my mother at her best allowed me to craft my life from here forward with intention and hope.

Reflect on the Lessons Learned

My mother taught me many powerful lessons, whether at her best or worst. Every experience, no matter how painful, holds wisdom. Reflect on what these experiences have taught you about compassion, strength, and resilience. Sometimes, our most outstanding teachers are our most challenging experiences.  

Cultivate Self-Compassion and Inner Growth

If you choose to embark on this journey of forgiveness, nourish your spirit with kindness and self-care. Realize that growth often happens in the soil of forgiven pasts. You are worthy of love, and you have the power to redefine your relationship with yourself and others. You only need to choose how you wish to view that relationship.

Practice Patience and Perseverance

Forgiveness is rarely instantaneous. It's a practice, a daily choice that requires patience and perseverance. Some days will be easier than others, but each step forward is a victory in its own right.

Remember, forgiving your mother isn't about erasing the past—it's about writing your future on a clean slate, where understanding, compassion, and love can flourish. By taking this brave step, I opened the doors to a more peaceful existence, allowing myself to use that energy towards creating and living a much more fulfilling life.