Just Because You’re Good At Being The Hero, Doesn’t Mean You HAVE To Be The Hero
I’m the current president of our condo association, and we have a situation in which the licensed condo association manager is retiring. We received 40 resumes. 15 had the required licensing. 10 didn’t call us back when they found out it was a nudist community. 5 came in for an interview. 3 were not qualified. One didn’t have enough experience, and the other withdrew their application 10 minutes before their second interview for personal reasons.
My husband knows I’m stressed about finding a replacement LCAM for the association. He is also an amazing volunteer and knows the condo association docs and the budget from being the chairperson for both of the ommittees. He’s a Realtor and understands property values and some real estate law. Knowing we’re having trouble finding a replacement, he suggested getting his LCAM license and being the interim CAM until we could find a permanent one.
While there is no doubt in my mind that my husband would make an amazing LCAM, however, I had two major concerns. First, there’s a huge conflict of interest with me being the president of the association. Second, and actually more importantly, when I asked Doug what he wanted to do with the rest of his life a year after we met, he said “real estate.” I reminded him of that and pointed out that becoming an onsite LCAM would ensure that he could not do real estate, or continue to properly manage our Airbnb business.
My husband, like myself, likes to be the hero. We both like to fix things, fix people, and fix situations. Oftentimes, these adventures lead us away from what we originally set out to do in the first place. It’s like when you set out on a family vacation to go to Universal Studios but get side-tracked by visiting the Kazoobie Kazoo Museum in Beaufort, SC. It’s actually a very fun stop on a road trip to stretch your legs and learn about kazoos, but it’s not Universal Studios. That stop took time away from you being where you really wanted to be.
There’s something satisfying about stepping in to save the day. Whether it's solving a friend’s problem, stepping up at work when the team is in a pinch, or offering advice that turns things around, being the “hero” feels good. It feels empowering to be the one people rely on, the one who swoops in with the solution.
But here’s the thing—just because you're good at being the hero, doesn't mean you have to be the hero.
We live in a culture that praises self-sufficiency, overachieving, and being the one who can fix everything. But constantly wearing the cape, even when it's not necessary, can lead to burnout, resentment, and missed opportunities for others to grow. Let’s explore why stepping back from being the hero isn’t just okay—it’s actually important.
Being the Hero All the Time Can Be Exhausting
At first, playing the role of the hero feels fulfilling. You’re solving problems, providing solutions, and feeling needed. But after a while, constantly stepping up to help can become emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. When you're always the one to take the lead, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs, and that can lead to burnout.
Hero fatigue is real. When you constantly give of yourself, you might end up with nothing left in the tank. You deserve time to recharge, to rest, and to focus on your own growth. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup, so it’s important to recognize when it's time to step back and allow others to take the reins.
It Can Undermine Others’ Growth
As much as you might want to help and protect those around you, always stepping in to “rescue” others can prevent them from learning valuable lessons on their own. Everyone has their own journey, and part of that journey is figuring out how to solve their own problems. When you’re always the hero, you might inadvertently be denying others the opportunity to stretch their muscles and build their own resilience.
By stepping back, you give others the chance to rise to the occasion. They may not have the perfect solution right away, but with a little guidance and support (rather than a full-on rescue), they can develop the skills and confidence they need for future challenges.
It Can Create an Unhealthy Dynamic
If you’re always the one people turn to for help, it can create an unhealthy dependence. While it’s natural to want to be there for others, you also need to create balance in your relationships. If you’re constantly stepping in as the hero, you might find that the people around you start to rely on you too much, and they stop taking responsibility for their own actions or decisions.
This dynamic can create feelings of resentment, both for you and for them. You might start feeling like you’re always the one sacrificing, and they might feel like they aren’t trusted to figure things out on their own. Healthy relationships are based on mutual support, and that means giving others the space to handle their own struggles, too.
You’re More Than Your Ability to Fix Things
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that your worth is tied to your ability to help others or solve problems. But the truth is, you are more than your ability to “fix” things. You are a whole person with your own dreams, needs, and desires, and it’s important to honor those too.
Being the hero can sometimes lead to the false belief that you are only valuable when you’re being useful to others. But you are valuable simply for being yourself—whether you’re solving problems or not. Take time to reconnect with your own passions, interests, and goals. It’s okay to step away from being the hero and focus on your own journey.
Sometimes, You Need to Let Others Lead
Leadership and heroism don’t always have to come from the same place. There are times when someone else can step up and take charge, and it’s important to let them. By stepping back, you create space for new leaders to emerge, and you allow others to take ownership of their responsibilities.
Letting others lead doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your role. It simply means that leadership can be shared, and sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go and allow others to shine. You can still support them, but giving them the room to lead fosters growth, confidence, and a more balanced dynamic.
It’s Okay to Not Have All the Answers
One of the most empowering things you can do is admit that you don’t have all the answers. The hero role often comes with an unspoken expectation of always having the solution. But part of being human is acknowledging that sometimes, you don’t know what the best answer is. And that’s okay!
Rather than always trying to be the person with the solution, consider sharing the burden with others. Sometimes, the best way to solve a problem is to involve everyone in the process, collaborate, and find answers together. By doing this, you foster a more collaborative and less “one-person-saves-the-day” mindset.
Recognize the Power of Saying “No”
One of the most empowering things you can do for yourself is to learn to say “no.” It’s not a rejection of others, but a way of preserving your own energy and boundaries. Just because you’re good at being the hero doesn’t mean you have to answer every call for help. In fact, saying no can sometimes be the most heroic thing you can do—for both yourself and others.
When you say no, you’re giving yourself the space to prioritize your own needs, and you're also allowing others to step up and handle things themselves. You don’t need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, and saying “no” allows you to protect your energy while encouraging others to develop their own strengths.
Being a hero is a powerful and meaningful thing, but it doesn’t always need to come with a cape. Sometimes, the greatest act of heroism is knowing when to step back and let others take the lead. When you allow others to grow, when you take care of yourself, and when you trust others to handle their own challenges, you’re not abandoning your role—you’re evolving it.
So, the next time you feel the urge to rush in and be the hero, pause. Consider whether it’s the right time for you to step back. Your heroism is not defined by how often you swoop in to save the day. It’s about knowing when to step forward, when to step back, and when to simply be a supportive presence, allowing the story to unfold in a way that empowers everyone involved.
My husband and I had a great talk about this, and he decided to refocus on real estate and not get his LCAM license. We are also planning a trip to Universal Studios…without any stops along the way. And if you know an LCAM who would like to work onsite at the friendliest nudist community in Pasco County, FL...please let me know!
