The Importance of Having a Good Relationship with Your Father

Last year, I attended a workshop on The Laws of Attraction. I was thrilled to share my Rate-A-Date worksheet with the attendees. However, there was another gentleman there who was a professional pickup artist, or, as we like to say in the world of hypnosis, a member of the seduction community. He was a big dude, well over 6', bald, wearing glasses and overalls. He shared how he systematically picked up women on dating websites, step by step, and at one time, was dating 30+ different women.

While his technique for picking up women is worthy of another blog, one thing struck me about his approach. Before he began engaging with the ladies in person, he asked them three questions: Did they like animals? Did they like children? And what was their relationship with their father like? He explained his rationale. "I want someone who is nurturing, and a woman who likes animals and children is much more likely to be nurturing." When I asked about the third question, he replied, "A woman who has a great relationship with her father is going to have a much healthier attitude toward men than a woman who had a horrible relationship with her father."

Boom! While some of the more "feminist" leaning participants had difficulty with this concept because they viewed it as "sexist," I thought his logic was spot on.  I think about the clients I've worked with. The women who were abused by their fathers, in general, have a much tougher time holding down healthy relationships than women who had strong father-daughter relationships.  

This blog is more geared toward the importance of strong fathers, but I remember my mother explaining that this reverse is just as true. She taught me to watch how a man treats his mother. "If a man treats his mother with respect, he'll treat you with respect." I even carried this lesson into the swinging community and carefully watched the dynamics between couples. If the partners in a swinging couple treat each other with respect, they're much more likely to treat those they play with with that same respect.

Fathers often serve as pillars of wisdom, strength, and guidance in our lives. They can be our mentors, supporters, and biggest cheerleaders, silently rooting for our success. Cultivating a good relationship with your father can have profound and lasting benefits that echo throughout every aspect of life.

Life-Long Learning from Experience

Fathers can be treasure troves of knowledge gleaned from decades of living, loving, and overcoming challenges. Embrace the opportunity to learn from their experiences — it's akin to standing on the shoulders of giants and gazing further into the horizon of possibilities.

Emotional Support and Stability

A strong father-child connection provides a sense of security and emotional stability. Fathers often provide a unique form of support different from other relationships. This bond can be an unwavering foundation during life's storms, offering comfort and counsel when it matters most.

Role Modeling and Character Building

Fathers are among our first role models. A good relationship with your father can instill core values such as integrity, perseverance, and responsibility. Their example can shape how we interact with others, manage conflict, and carry ourselves through life's journey.

Unconditional Love and Acceptance

Knowing that there is someone who believes in you without reservation can be incredibly empowering. A father's unconditional love fosters self-esteem and confidence. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zones, take risks, and enthusiastically chase our dreams.

Building Memories and Traditions

Time spent together is the architect of precious memories. A positive relationship with your father means building traditions that can be passed down through generations, creating a legacy of love and shared history that becomes part of your identity.

Communication and Problem-Solving Skills

Engaging in an open and honest dialogue with your father can sharpen your communication skills. Through these interactions, you learn the nuances of effective problem-solving and negotiation. These tools are invaluable both personally and professionally.

Long-Term Health and Well-being

Studies suggest that a nurturing father-child relationship can lead to better mental health and a lower propensity toward risky behaviors. It can buffer stress and contribute to overall well-being, underlining that the heart of this bond is emotional and physiological.

Professional Success and Ambition

An encouraging father can fuel your ambitions and inspire you to achieve greatness in your professional endeavors. Their belief in your capabilities can drive you to excel and reach lofty goals, knowing you have their support behind you.

What Can You Do If You Don't Have A Strong Relationship With Your Father?

One of my favorite sessions was with a woman with a father who abandoned the family. She always felt cheated as a result. I gave her two options on how she should look at her father, the first one being the re-frame that her life could've possibly been that much worse had he stayed. Perhaps he left because he knew he didn't have any parenting skills to offer her. The second option, was for her to pick the ideal father she wanted and imagine herself growing up with that person as her father. I was blown away when she picked Will Smith (pre-Chris Rock slap), because she was a blond-haired, blue-eyed white girl!  First session I had with "Men In Black" benefits. One flash and her old father was gone.

What Can You Do To Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Children?

Spend time with your children. Share your knowledge with them, even if it's "unusual" knowledge. If you cannot be with them in person, write them a letter or email explaining what your children mean to you. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel just getting your feelings down on paper. I've had many clients finally forgive themselves for whatever they did in the past, and a few weeks later, children they haven't spoken to in years contact them out of the blue. Coincidence? Nope! That's The Universe just doing its' thing!

The significance of a positive relationship with your father cannot be overstressed. It's a multifaceted connection that brings forth countless benefits and shapes the fabric of who we are. Cherish, nurture, and recognize its impact on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself. Remember that, like all relationships, it requires understanding, patience, and effort—but the rewards are timeless and profoundly transformative.