Over Thinking What Goes Under Me

As Doug and I are preparing to move into our new condo, we had to make a serious decision: what should we do with the floor? We had the flooring removed due to a mold/mildew problem. A few weeks ago, we went to a big box floor and tile place and chose a tile that would work with our quirky furniture. The tile we selected would do the job, but it wasn't a "wow" for us. As the weeks went on, I began thinking about the tile. It was an indoor/outdoor tile, and it would make our place look like a cave. I suggested we go to some tile shops in Tampa with a fresh perspective.

After a bit of shopping, we found our "wow" tile. It's gorgeous! It matches the paint colors, and it's stunning for the tile. But then my practical side kicked in. "We'll never be able to sell the condo with this tile." "It's too over the top." "It'll clash with our quirky furniture." "It'll clash with our countertops." "It's twice as expensive as the other tile we chose."

I voiced my concerns to Doug, who had reasonable explanations for my objections. "If we need to sell the condo, the new owners can rip up the tile and make it their own." "You and I are over the top. Why is it not okay for the tile to be over the top?" "The tile will look just fine with the furniture. If it doesn't, we can replace the furniture." "Yes, it's twice as expensive, but you OBVIOUSLY love it four times more than the other tile."

Breathe. I was still not sure about my decision, so I checked in with myself. "Self? What is the real issue?"

My "self" answered that it was fearful of making a mistake. I was torn between choosing a tile that was cost-effective and better for the next owners of my condo instead of selecting a tile that would make me happy now! Let's break this down. Why did I care about being practical or what the next owners of the forever home I just bought would think?

Because I was raised to believe that making a good, solid financial decision that will benefit me in the future is much more important than making a happy emotional decision for myself now. If I suffer a little today, there's a bigger payoff for down the road.

I started thinking about other decisions where I put off my happiness because it wasn't practical or cost-effective. My mind went back to 1987 when I wanted to major in music and musical theater, but my parents suggested I major in Business because I could fall back on that if my music career never worked out. My music career never worked out, but thank goodness my career as a musical comedian did! While the degree in Business came in handy, it still chaps my ass to think what I could have done had I believed in myself and truly followed my bliss from the start.

There are many decisions I've put off in hopes of greater joy or money down the road. One of those mistakes I'm correcting now. I've had a "craft room" for nearly two decades and never had the time to make the things I want. I'm fixing that now by scheduling time to craft.

In the meantime, I will pay a lot more attention to what brings me joy NOW and carefully weigh those choices with my practical, cost-effective side.