With the holidays upon us, I find myself reflecting back on past holidays and not always in the best way. I remembered that Thanksgiving of 2016 was the last Thanksgiving I spent with my mother. I broke her out of the nursing home for a home cooked meal at my house. It was a day of joy for both of us and she ate like it was her last Thanksgiving...because it was. I'm so glad I made it a good one. Christmas Day of 2016, I was going to treat my mother to another home cooked meal. Unfortunately, she became very ill that Christmas Eve and never rebounded. She passed the following year and I never got to have that Christmas with her.

Doug and I are staying on St Pete Beach while our home undergoes renovations in order to make it more allergy and energy efficient friendly. You don't realize just how allergic you are to your house until you don't leave it for 5 months! The other problem, was the bedroom was consistently 10 degrees hotter or colder than the rest of the house.

Our world has changed dramatically since the dawn of January 1st, 2020. Negativity and hatred is being spewed on a daily basis by political groups, media, and social media…but they are doing it on such a subtle level that most people don’t even notice it until there’s a riot. This is not healthy and these language patterns are dividing us as a society

I feel the negativity everywhere.

I have to watch every word I write.

I have to watch every word I say.

The constant worry that I'm going to offend someone, waiting for someone to go off the emotional deep-end, because I triggered them by simply mentioning "Black Lives Matter" or "Make America Great Again."

I saw the movie “Flashdance” when I was 14 years old. It’s about a sexy woman who is an exotic dancer by night and a welder by day. It’s the same movie that propelled Jennifer Beals into stardom overnight, while the real dancer in the movie, Marine Jahan, became a trivia question. One of the best scenes in the movie is where the main character is performing a chair dance on stage, and reaches up to pull a cord so that a bucket splashes on her as she dances to “He’s A Dream” in a lacey teddy.

Yesterday, I did a Hypno Hangout session “Using Hypnosis To Feel The Hugs From Our Loved Ones While Quarantined.” To prepare, I did some research on just how important “touch” is to human beings. And you know what? It’s pretty important! One of the articles I read was called “Why Physical Touch Matters for Your Well Being,” written by Jonathan Jones in November 2018.

My first hypnotist was an amazing person. She was smart, talented, capable, and strong willed. She was a newer hypnotist when she started out, only 27 at the time. I was her first client. I met with her on a daily basis for many years, and many of the belief systems she instilled in me have stayed with me even though she’s since “retired.”

I was thinking about a childhood memory today, that of a sign posted in my Grandma Kanaan's kitchen. It read:

God grant me the serenity o accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Born and raised in Berea, OH, Traci was the only child of George and Carol Kanaan, who owned and operated Copy Center West. Traci began playing (pounding) the piano at the age of 2. Her parents traded printing for some piano lessons, and Traci found herself studying at The Cleveland Institute of Music at the age of 5. Traci’s piano teachers didn’t appreciate “her bursts of creativity.” They constantly pointed out her “inability to follow directions” and “reluctance to play the music the way it was written,” and Traci was eventually “dismissed” after burning through 8 teachers in 8 years.

One of the things I missed this year, was going to the Tampa Bay Renaissance Festival, canceled due to Covid-19. While going through my jewelry box, I stumbled across a memento from a Ren Fest visit from 3 years ago.

It was a beautifully cool Sunday in April of 2017. I was recently divorced. My mother had passed just weeks before. I wasn't seeing anyone, and I was tired of staying at home grieving my mother's loss. I knew a change of scenery would do me good, so I headed to The Tampa Bay Ren Fest where I was looking forward to losing myself for a few hours.

As the quarantine continues, I find my friends and family in varying states of emotional health. Some of my friends lost their jobs and are trying to figure out unemployment. Some of my friends are worried about losing their business and trying to get an SBA Loan. Some of my friends are working 18+ hour days trying to uncover new ways of doing business. Some of my friends are heading to work at the hospital, overworked and wondering if today is they day they get infected. Some of my friends are questioning the seriousness of the disease. Others are grieving the loss of a loved one who passed from the virus, and upset they were not able to be there to say their goodbyes upon risking infection. Times like these bring out the best in people! People are donating blood, volunteering to make masks and take food to those who can't get out. Times like these also bring out the worst in people. I read the stories about idiots coughing on produce at grocery stores, spitting on packages, and scammers preying on those wanting a cure from Corona Virus.

30 more days of social distancing...ugh!

We are watching history unfold in front of our eyes. Never in our lifetimes have we seen such an unprecented event such as COVID-19. As I watch my friends post the good, the bad, and the ugly on Facebook, I see a larger trend emerging...GRIEF. Everyone is morning the loss of "the way things were."